A Journey of Faith, Part One

In honor of National Adoption month in November, I thought I would share my adoption story…

When I first started blogging, I wanted to share recipes and homemaking ideas, but I soon felt compelled to share my story as well. I wrote this essay a few years ago, soon after my first adoption was finalized. It was even published in the book “From the Heart,” a charitable publication from Write for Charity.

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
you didn’t grow under my heart, but in it.

 

A young boy sitting with his mom
My adoption journey began when I was about 16 or 17 years old. I used to joke with my BFF that I have such a low pain tolerance, I would not be able to handle childbirth, and would have to adopt. Little did I know, that God had planted a seed in me that I would not fully come to recognize for many years.

The dream of ever becoming pregnant came to a screeching end with these words: “You have Premature Ovarian Failure” (aka early menopause).”The only way you will have a chance to become pregnant is with donor eggs.” They hit me like a mack truck. Seriously? I was 24 years old! So I cried, I prayed, and I scoured the internet, bought a book, and was determined that I would get pregnant. I chose a fertility specialist, knowing that the younger I was, the better my chances of conceiving, no matter the method. Donor embryo was the only option at this point. There was a myriad of tests, procedures, and home therapies, some painful, both physically and emotionally.

After six months, I was told that I would have about a 24% chance of actually achieving pregnancy through implantation, and the odds that it would be a successful pregnancy were not great, but that the choice to attempt to conceive was mine. I decided to go for it – after all, it may be my only chance. A few weeks later, feeling very unsure of myself and my decisions up to that point, I was walking with a friend and crying and praying out loud, begging God to please hit me with the answer – WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??? The next day, my body made the decision for me. I spoke to a nurse and told her what had happened. Her response? “Well, that’s not good. We’ll have to postpone the procedure for another month.” My response? “No, I’m done.” I had asked God for an answer, and I got one. Pregnancy was not for me. Childbirth, looking into my own eyes, seeing my smile reflected on my child’s face; these things, these simple, wonderful, beautiful things, were not for me. I was devastated and heartbroken, and yet knew there was a plan. I felt it, and through my tears, I thanked God, for helping me to close that door, and to open another. I began looking into adoption.

Many adoptive parents have a saying – “Adoption is not for sissies.” Never has a more perfect and true statement been uttered. I chose to go through County Social Services in their “Concurrent Planning” program (fostering to adopt). When you decide to adopt, your life is examined, your choices and lifestyle put under a magnifying glass. There were statements to write, extensive forms and questionnaires to fill out, physicals to take, and classes – lots of classes – to sit through. It took about nine months from the time I sat in the first class to the moment I was certified and considered “in matching,” or waiting for a placement. It was September of 2006.

I finally received a call in March of 2007. There was a baby boy, just two months old, waiting for a family. I had the presentation, said yes, and then waited. There was some indecision on the part of the current foster family, and on the day I was supposed to receive this little boy, the dreaded call came that the family had decided to adopt him. Devastation again. So I packed up the baby clothes and crib bedding, and sat to wait again.

The next call came in June. A little boy, 15 months old. I wavered, not sure if it was right, but said yes. Carlos was with me for three amazing months. He was a very strong and sweet little boy, but because of a mistake made on the part of the investigating worker, he was returned to his grandparents on September 17. More devastation; I spent two days in tears and was ready to give up. Once again, baby items were packed away.

A third phone call came in November of 2007. There was again a presentation, a photo for me to take, a choice to make. I said yes again. This time there were issues with another family member, and I sat on pins and needles for two weeks, not telling many people about this child; the child who I would eventually call “Cooper,” who would be my son.

Cooper was born on September 18, 2007; one day after Carlos left my home. One day after. That’s God’s perfect timing. There was a plan in all of this, that started when I was 16 and came to fruition at 30 years of age. I look back now, and realize how I have been blessed; by the children I cannot give birth to, by the one I never met, and by the one I rocked to sleep for three months. But the most gracious blessing of all, is the one I call my son, who I love fiercely, and marvel at every new discovery; who challenges me every day. My road to motherhood was paved with brokenness, but I am so grateful for the journey.

In the beginning…November 20, 2007

 

A woman holding a baby

 

My little man today (Nov. 2011), at four years old.

 

A small child sitting on a chair

 

Many of you know this isn’t where our story ended. I’ll share the rest later this week.
I try to speak as openly as possible about my adoption experiences, without sharing too much of my children’s stories. If you have any questions, please feel free to comment or contact me by email.

 

Kristin Maxwell

Kristin Maxwell is the creator and main recipe developer, writer, and photographer of Yellow Bliss Road. A self-taught cook and self-appointed foodie, she specializes in easy, flavorful and approachable recipes for any home cook.

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Comments

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your story in such an open way. I am surrounded by friends who have been unable to conceive and have sat with them and cried and prayed and then jumped for joy when they were given the blessing of an adoptive or biologic child. Being a mother truly is a joy and a blessing, and sometimes the road to get there is immensely trying and grows us and our faith stronger than we ever thought it would be. I’m looking forward to reading more!

  2. Thank you for sharing your story! God definetly had a plan for you and Coop. I know there is so much more share and I can’t wait to read more. You are a wonderful mother and friend and I know God has blessed you and will continue to bless everyday!

  3. I am also an adoptive mother of two amazing sons (also through the county foster to adopt) and saw how God worked His amazing timing for me and my husband to adopt them. I love the poem you wrote about adoption, too! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  4. Thanks for sharing your story, Kristin. So touching and he’s a sweetheart and a beautiful gift from God – the package was just delivered in a way specially designed for you. 🙂

  5. thanks for posting this..i can’t wait to read the rest. we have been on a waiting list since march and we are now looking at foster to adopt (but there are lots of reasons that that way is a little more difficult for us)..and frankly, i’m discouraged, angry, hurt–done, but not. i’m just so tired…and it’s not even a year yet. the last two years prior have been spent getting my husband on board for adoption and trying to get pregnant again–which has resulted in two miscarriages. we have a daughter that is almost 5(that i did give birth to—but that was a nightmare pregnancy and delivery and my doctors have finally said no more)…and we want her so badly to have a brother or sister….anyway, thank you for posting…it gives me hope when i see an adoption story with a happy ending.